So apparently there’s this movie called “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” that was released just a few days ago, and apparently it’s the hottest thing since sliced bread; presumably since that Tim Burton directed movie came out and well, anything’s better then that movie right? I haven’t seen that movie yet so I don’t know if the rumors about it are true but I have seen this movie and I can tell you that it sucks 100% donkey balls. Yeah, there are reviews out there proclaiming it as smart, witty, brilliant, best special effects in the history of special effects but is it really smart as they say it is, is it witty or is it just disguising itself to be witty when all it is is a demonstration for photo-realistic apes? Cause that’s what it feels like, a demonstration of Weta’s Digital ability to create photo realistic apes; as if Avatar wasn’t already such a convincing display of their work.

The fact that most of these scenes consist of “hey, look at the fucking photo-realistic apes, aren’t we the best at creating those types of apes?” just furthers my theory. I mean there are tons of scenes that could of not involved the use of digital technology. I mean look at the original “Planet of the Apes” and it’s later sequels, they managed to get the effects, the feelings, the timing just right and they didn’t even have to use fucking digital technology to achieve that effect either. The fact that these assholes proclaim the excellence of the digital effects just sickens me; it’s like they’re proclaiming this movie to be a masterpiece of technology, a special effects showcase that shows how obsolete those stupid, primitive apes were and how newer and badass cool our apes are. Yeah… I’m guessing that “Planet of the Apes” in 2011 would of focused more on the special effects and less on the story and social commentary.

An example of this is the beginning scene where it starts off in a serene African jungle and then ends up with an ape captured; not just apes, an ape, meaning one. I mean you have fucking Africans chasing them and you only capture one ape? What? What about the other apes, aren’t you going to show how cruel those people are by capturing alot of apes instead of just one. I mean what’s so special about that ape, is he the one who’s going to be an essential part of the movie? Is he some type of rare breed? If anything why capture that one ape? Why capture that one ape and leave the rest of the apes behind; what are you thinking???

Anyways…, I did not get to the story at all; the most important part of the film. Let’s just say that it feels like it’s trying to pack several different plots into one movie; it revolves around this one guy and his ape who he bonds with, but then a girl gets involved and he goes between this guy and his ape and his dad, and then it involves a girl and then it involves Ceaser and his ape like desires… You try to read that and understand how it goes along; seriously the way the writers and directors execute it is bad, bad, bad. In fact most of it feels like a Lifetime TV movie, a dark gritty prison movie and a german directed disaster movie. Yes, it’s three different movies in one clusterfuck! Directed by acclaimed director Rupert Wyatt no less, note how I use the word acclaimed in a discerning matter…

And adding to the jumbled up story is the fact that most of the characters aren’t memorable; from the people in the laboratory to even the people later on in the movie, none of them are memorable! There is also the fact that the main character (James Franco as Will Rodman for future reference) comes across as pompous, selfish, apathetic, and a slow learner. I mean hints are dropped throughout the movie to his motives, his desires and his thoughts but the actions that he does is just appealing. I mean  it’s established that he created this cure for Alzheimer’s because his dad has it and he’s just so desperate to cure it with the drug (that is oddly mass produced despite the fact that it’s experimental and the fact that the black guy and the FDA hasn’t totally signed off on it yet; I mean what’s the purpose of creating large quantities of the drug if you can’t even sell it yet?) that the motives he does is understandable but even he doesn’t give much of a shit for the dad in the middle of the movie.

About the dad… I could not connect with him at all, I mean sure, he’s the reason he created the cure and sure, he’s having problems but at no point did I even take his problems seriously… Sure, he forgets stuff, sure, he has trouble playing music (he was a music teacher and a big part of his life) but was he in any real danger… No. Was he going to die right now? No, and the only reason why he was “dangerous” was because he got into a confrontation with his caretaker involving a lamp speaking various kinds of jiberish and his caretaker got all scared and stuff, saying that he’s now impossible; (I know now that he’s suffering from Movie Alzheimer’s Syndrome; I’m guessing that if he had it in real life, he’d be in the moderate stage.) adding to this fact is mainly it doesn’t feel natural, I mean sure; there’s a 3 year passage of time that is suggested (due to the movie switching to a 3 year old Ceaser and the main actor narrating what happened with the monkey. Side note: these are the only suggestions that time has passed seeing as how they did not take into consideration actually aging the characters) and his Alzheimers does look worse but dropping a lamp, really? I would either have some sort of suggestion that the caretaker is facing difficulty (to the point where she can’t handle it no more) or that the dad is getting worse and worse in his aggression; anyways, I’m going to take a guess and say that had he not taken the drug he wouldn’t be dead. Sure, he would still have the disease but he would still be here and he wouldn’t be dead and none of this would of ever happened… Hell, he wouldn’t even be yelled at by his own son. Scratch that, I’m an idiot; turns out he got into someone elses car who’s door was open and who’s key was in the ignition. I can understand how someone like him would confuse that car for his own but why leave it open, hell why even leave the keys in the damn ignition? Anybody could steal the car easily and he would never see it again; though I suppose it is the only way they could think of to get the ape crazy and attacking someone who he thinks is attacking his father.

Also after he dies, he doesn’t even mention his death much after he dies because of the drug… Which he gave in the first place because he dropped a lamp; I mean he wasn’t in any danger, he wasn’t scary; he just dropped a fucking lamp!; and that caused him to test the drug without testing the human first. I mean what happens if the drug kills him? Aren’t you smart enough to test the drug before applying it on your own dad? (Even the only guy who cares for the apes suggest that the gas form could kill his father) Of course, he does die when the gas form of the drug he made completely out of forced desperation (adding to the fact is that he spells out that he’s going to make a stronger, more aggressive version of the drug without really sounding out how he even knows how to make the drug nor the perfect balance nor even learn from his mistakes before. I guess “not wanting to lose them both” is a pretense for rushing things huh?) he administered backfired on him but really, he should of been smart enough to know… or care! Ha!

There’s also the part where he adopts an baby chimp that an ape who had the drug birthed before going crazy and going on a rampage; by the way, what the fuck were they thinking when they made the ape did that. I mean that ape has a child, why would he leave his ape child alone? Obviously those people would do something with it and well any smart ape would know that well, it’d basically be pointless to fucking go on a rampage to protect your child; I mean protect your fucking child. I get that this is just a movie but seriously, if these types of things continue to play out in movies then I’ll have doubts upon whether or not Hollywood can make a good movie again.

Anyway… so he adopts this ape and he raises it as his own… Well I wouldn’t say raise exactly as what he does as “raising” is just let him live in his house while he watches humans interact through the window… Sure, there are the occasional events where he takes him out to the redwoods or interacts with him using sign language and English but for the most part he doesn’t even communicate with him; he just let’s him live while he obsesses about his cure and gets pissed off about his dad even though he fucking knew the cure wasn’t working. He doesn’t even care to teach him about human life and such, a point proven when he takes Ceaser to the place where his mother was killed and focuses only on the mother and not on the fact that these people who work only for money on cruel; come to think about it, he doesn’t even care that much about Ceaser at all. a point being that he doesn’t take care of his dad, even though he knows that his disease has returned… He just lets him walk to someone elses car and have someone else yell at him while Ceaser watches through the window; nice way to treat your disabled dad asshole; and nice way to get Ceaser pissed off enough to fight someone in self-defense knowing how people perceive apes in this world… Seriously, what an asshole; he even got Ceaser locked up and only then did he feel somewhat bad about it… (He didn’t emote as much as, I mean he seemed to be a bit robotic and stiff when it came to getting him set free) Well feel bad for Ceaser, not for his dad… Even after he died…

Seriously… He only cared about the side effects rather then the death of his dad himself, I mean the only scene we’re even shown that he cares is when he picks up books and belonging of his and places them in a cardboard box; you think that he should of reacted earlier, what with the fact that he knew the drug wasn’t working on his father anymore. Instead it is only after his death that he reacted, when he wanted to stop testing because he took the drug and tested it on his dad without knowing what would happen…

It doesn’t help much that even after Ceaser gets placed into animal control (well, really a prison for apes.); he chooses to focus on the cure rather then the ape’s own safety and care… I mean seriously, he works on his own cure and then he has several sudden changes of heart that’s so sudden that my head suddenly got dizzy. Sure it might of been from the father dieing but from what I’ve been seen, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know if I can even believe that this guy suddenly gave a shit about Ceaser locked up in there (that scene when he confronts those people when he sees a gun doesn’t count, it would count if he followed up on his threats instead of working on the cure.) when he was working on his cure; I mean what kind of a person forgets about Ceaser being locked up in prison; this guy!

Additionally, he also pays a bribe to the director in an attempt to free Ceaser but, you know what happens afterwards… Remember what I said about his threats, well it would of worked 10x better had the main character grown an attachment to both Ceaser and the other apes and if he actually showed affection towards the apes, I mean this is just a new low in ape-human relations; “I care about one ape and one ape only, why should I even care about the other apes when I experimented on them; the only reason why I want to end the trials was because I killed my dad using the drug and now I have doubts about the human effects of it.” I mean if he cared more or equally about the apes than the humans than he would be more likeable and relatable; hell even his mission would be relatable “To not lose them both.”. But the actions that he shown, the thoughts that he verbalized, I don’t think he’s even giving any weight to his character’s desperation and desires; which adds to his already inconsistent character who’s supposed to be smart, caring and logical.

And what’s up with the girlfriend (Freida Pinto as Caroline Aranha) in the movie. I mean she appears as the main protagonists girlfriend throughout the rest of the movie but it seems like they serve no purpose together; hell it seems like the only reason why they’re together is because the movie wanted them to be together, no questions asked. It’s be okay if he took the girlfriend’s comments into consideration or if the girlfriend showed some resistance, you know… Dynamic!; but it seemed like both of them lacked any, in fact the only memorable thing I saw her do was sprout out metaphorical nonsense after he told him that he drugged Ceaser, like “this is a thing you cannot stop” or “you don’t know what you’ve unleashed“. Well of course we don’t know, we’re too busy abusing animals to care, so why should we care now? Hell, in the teaser trailer I thought she was a lab assistant, not his girlfriend. If she was his girlfriend then she would be more concerned or more talkative to the main protagonist but from what I’ve seen, I doubt that she’s his girlfriend at all; in fact I think of her as just something to counteract the main protagonist and to have a couple in the film.

Speaking of which… Let’s talk about the orphan that ape went on a crazy rampage for. Ceaser… (Played by Andy Serkis) I mean sure he’s cute, he’s smart but he’s barely got any personality. By that I mean the writer probably watched some movie about a dad and his boy (strange boy at that) and decided to incorporate that into the movie… I could not see Ceaser for his own character, I could initially see him only for the strange boy from some movie (I’m guessing the Pursuit of Happyness for some reason, but as the time passed by (through a scene where they show years going by but again, the characters not aging one bit. It also makes me wonder how his dad can survive with the cure for 9-7 years and why the main character never noticed this but then again, what do I know, I’m not in Hollywood.) he became the ape who started to hate the world because of the solely one sided view the movie forces (mother dieing because of a corporation, being looked at funny, beating up someone in defense of the main character’s dad because he got into a Mustang that any smart person would leave locked, being looked at like a menace for beating someone up, being special because well, he’s the main monkey character.).

One thing that also bothered me is that this movie seems to use every trick in the book to avoid the humans from teaching Ceaser into humanity. I mean as this movie go on Ceaser only sees the bad side of humanity, the side that is willing to harm, the side that is willing to hurt and torment and capture and the side that is willing to go aggressive on an ape within 1 second after a girl says “Daddy” casually. Not once did any of the human teach Ceaser about the good and bad parts of humanity; they just make an ass out of you and me and tell them stuff and show them stuff without even thinking about the consequences. I mean you’re showing him a corporation that killed his mother, barely showing any emotion whatsoever and you’re making an ass out of you and me, what the fuck are you thinking??? It would work wonders for Ceasers character if he wasn’t solely pushed to becoming the rebellious ape that he is, it’d be good if they gave him a multi-sided view of his own. I mean the only scene that feature Ceaser and manages to give him a view is the scene where Ceaser realizes that being on a leash and being told what to do is the example of being a pet and because of this Ceaser sits in the back seat instead of the trunk and asks if he’s being treated like a pet. (This is the scene where he realizes he’s different.) I’m very disappointed that there weren’t more scenes like this, this could of added to Ceaser’s character.)

Of course, there’s also the moment in the film where he gets sent to prison that seems to be made specifically for apes rather then animals of any kind… This is where the film start to include parts of a prison film that the writers just happened to be watching at the moment. It’s also evident when people who hate apes appear to be running the prison, especially a certain dumbass with blonde hair who abuses apes without any fucking remorse whatsoever… What freaked me out is the fact that he looked like a certain “Kenneth Parcel” from a certain 30 Rock.

He looks soo similar that I instantly thought that he moved to San Francisco after he got fired from TGS due to some incident involving an ape; at least it helps explain his one-dimensional hate for apes and other ape-like creatures. Anyways, the guy has no fucking limits when it comes to shocking them, shoving food at them, tranquilizing them and just fucking abusing them. I mean he did that shit near two girls; those two girls should be hating him for that!. Instead they get shocked for a moment and then they stick with the guy and act like nothing bad happened; I mean the guy abuses apes, I’m guessing he fucking tears the shit out of every Curious George book he sees; speaking of Curious George; they have this moment in the movie where Ceaser swings around the house, moving through ladders and going towards his room in a manner reminiscent of kids movies or… well, Curious George… All those reviews saying that this movie is “smart and thought-provoking” neglect to mention this scene. I mean how can this movie be both if it has scenes to appeal to the kids that just happened to be taken to this movie? Answer that question fucking movie critics.

Anyways… There is not one person who feels sympathetic for Apes (well except for that bearded guy but we barely see him and he voices off his sympathy in one scene meant to show off the contrast of the boss, plus he dies later so he’s rendered inconsequential); almost all of these people feel ill will towards apes, even the people who don’t live here; and this movie is supposed to be set in modern times god damnit! (I mean they didn’t have a holographic display for nothing) There are also people mentioning that the apes are the star and the human are just layaways.  I disagree solely based on the fact that these humans push Ceaser, are involved with Ceaser; hell, even the person who adopted him had a hand in all of this; so it’s not possible to focus on just one thing when another thing had a hand in it, even though their dialog is stupid and their actions are purposely bad to make you root for the apes; they helped Ceaser along the movie’s plot therefore they’re just as much a part of the movie as Ceaser is. And it’s not an excuse to focus on one side to the other, keep in mind that there are an equal amount of scenes with humans in them and even though the apes act better, the humans are still there acting out a poorly plotted script so they both have an equal amount of scenes; so you would have to block them out with green squares in order for the focus to be on the ape. And really, it’s not an excuse to focus solely on the ape; I get that this is Ceasers story, the spotlight is on him but really… Just because the spotlight is on him does not mean that the humans get to act badly and get away with it.

So anyway, apparently these people who run the place the government who’s funding animal control with taxpayer money to let them abuse the apes at will are unaware that this type of abuse is going to lead to a rebellion. No, it’s not just the fact that these corporations are experimenting on them, it’s not the fact that these animals are locked up in zoo’s, it’s mainly the fact that the animal mistreatment in the monkey prison lead to this type of rebellion; and it isn’t even treated like a monkey prison at all. No, it’s treated like a regular prison with monkeys playing the role of inmates. Though I have to say I did like that orangutang fellow… seemed to give the prison scenes some purpose… even though it was leading us to another point in the movie, the company taking the apes from the cells for experimentation; almost out of the blue…

Though the director may be trying to parallel the similarities between humans and apes; it just doesn’t feel that way to me. There is a scene in which the most dominant prisoner challenges the newbie to a fight and he ends up pounding him to the ground before the warden comes in and stop it through the usage of tranquilizers. Now I understand that prison scenes have been done before in previous Planet of the Apes movies but this just felt too similar to one of those prison movies to the point where even a similar revolt happens, and the apes didn’t even need to convince any human to do it for them; they did it themselves… Breaking out of prison that is, let it be a warning that if you fucking mistreat animals then a revolution will happen, this PSA is courtesy of the fine folks at 20th Century Fox.

Now I’d like to take the time to pause and reflect on the movie which this seems to be a psuedo-remake of… Yes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. I mean that movie is just so fucking amazing; and it’s lightyears ahead of this crap. The relationship between Ceaser and his master was done better and the world in which it was placed also seemed more believable and more connectable to the audience. Let’s compare the relationship with Ceaser and his master to that of Ceaser and that asshole character who let his dad die. Now Ceaser sees humanity as cruel while still holding on to that small piece of hope; his Master seems to be the one who shares in his reflection but has an even greater grasp for hope than Ceaser. Nonetheless, they still seem to share that father/son relationship and it’s better reflected because he truly raised him rather than claiming he raised him…

Moving on to how chimps are treated in that movie; even though both movies are somewhat similar in the fact that it leads to the rise of the planet of the apes, Conquest is better in the fact that it treats Apes as servants and pets without any intelligence; and the reasoning for it is understandable due to the fact that both cats & dogs died due to a disease and humankind needed some sort of animal to be their pet/servant and well, apes fit the bill. Rise just fucking mistreats apes for no reason other then to say “Hey, look; we’re mistreating you and underestimating the intelligence that you guys have. Forget the fact that it’s the modern times, we’re going to act like it’s the 50′s and you’re going to be our slaves.” I mean this type of sensibility in a modern day film is inexcusable (even the fucking displays are holographic). Hell… The apes in Conquest already had intelligence, the ones in Rise have to be gassed in order to be smart. Way to underestimate their own intelligence my making them smarter film makers.

I mean why would they even need to be gassed (the cure) in the first place; if apes are assumed to have similar intelligence to humans then why not just show it okay. We don’t need to gas them to make them smart, we already know what they’re feeling and well; it’s very, very likely they could of rebelled without the gas in the first place. I mean those apes in Conquest dominated without some gas being let through the room; and all Ceaser had to do was convince one unwaveringly person to open his cell. What, do they need the gas to become smart, to escape and follow Ceaser’s lead? or do they need the gas to look all menacing and creepy? Either way, the gas was not needed and it was ridiculously easy to get to the gas in the first place. I mean wouldn’t the guy have to like lock the fridge to prevent anybody from stealing the formula, that’s like $100,000,000 the company has down the line and all because some guy took it home and forgot to lock the house, I mean what if a burglar broke into his house and stole it; then what? He wouldn’t have a job anymore now would he?

Apparently he doesn’t because the apes just break out in broad daylight and take over the whole city because of what happened in prison. It’s like, fuck humanity; they have mistreated us when we were in prison and I’m going to assume all humans will mistreat us by default due to the fact that they mistreated us in prison. I mean even the owner came in to take him home but he closed his cage and stayed because let’s face it, prison changed him and his warped views on humanity; he’s now like. “I ain’t changed; shit I’m gonna break free and destroy the whole city then I’m gonna like call myself “Ceaser Da Homosapian” and I’ll be releasing an album entitled “We Be Takin’ Ova’ da San Francisco Bay!” and it’ll sell 10 million copies.” Seriously, there is scene where the main human character visits the ape Ceaser; and while I admire the main character figuring out there’s possible abuse, I did not like where the rest of the scene went. I mean did Ceaser even listen to him when he said possible abuse, did he even emote enough to reassure Ceaser?, should he or Ceaser engage in more conversation? In any case, it leads to his views where he (originally longing for home) then says “fuck home” and well, you know the rest. I wouldn’t blame him though, he did hang out with the main character for a couple of years to know his tricks. Hell, the guy is this inconsistent that he manages to forget about the fact that he hates fucking leashes, I mean what reason was there for carrying the leash, other than for him to stay in prison of course and for him to do his stand still routine. Do you remember what I said earlier about inconsistency?

Anyway, they break out, head towards the generic broadcast towers that seemed to have replaced the distinctive Sutro Tower, free the apes that are captive (including the ones in the lab after looking at a tab belonging to that company, also how do they even find apes to put in the center? Are there wild apes in the forest, are there people who had apes for pets and then sent them to this jail? How do they get apes to lock up here and how do they manage to supply some of the apes to the companies, I mean they can’t all be abandoned apes right?) and then they proceed to travel across the city (really escaping but this is what I interpreted it as) in scenes that seem like they’re showing off the photo realistic apes. Most of these scenes seem like senseless action that have them fighting with police officers, helicopters and an evil corporation run by a miscast black guy no less, who seems to deliver his lines with general apathy for what he’s doing. I also love the fact that he switches roles so suddenly, after he sees the ape the drug was tested on; (He is sort of in his old role when the main character manages to convince him to give out backing on the drug, telling him that it works and telling him that it can be used for other purposes; but he forgets every bit of his role when the script calls for him to be impressed over an ape who was given the gas.

I mean really… What kind of a person who’s concerned about approvals becomes egotistical that quickly?) I couldn’t tell if he was actually acting or just doing the bare minimum to get paid. (What makes this senseless is the fact that San Francisco has another bridge and another way out… I mean the apes could of gone south into the forests or onto the San Francisco-Oakland bridge, all of those directions lead to some sort of forest and there are routes that avoid major cities altogether once they get into the forest… It’s senseless in the fact that it’s played up for  on the Golden Gate Bridges for straight action and conflict rather than logic. Even though the Golden Gate Bridge is shown as an important thing for Ceaser and the first thing he thought of when it came to escape, it’s still straight up action; mostly because of reasons stated before.) Also, with all of the civilians that seem to play absolutely no-role to both police and chimps, I’m guessing they treat them like cannon fodder; except for the main characters of course; who seem to be perfectly comtempt in analyzing the jail for signs of what went wrong despite the fact that the obvious fact that apes are roaming around the streets is an obvious sign that something has obviously gone wrong. I mean why would you go to the jail to analyze?, and analyze slowly I might add…

We don’t get a sense of what they’re accomplishing, we don’t get a sense of what the actions they’re doing even have to do with what they’re doing at the moment (which is escaping, I mean why would you spray paint an insignia on a stop sign if you’re trying to escape?). We do get hints that Ceaser wants them to free all the captive apes and as such is part of the reason for rebelling and trying to escape from San Francisco but what we get across is that these chimps were abused in prison so they break out and have a riot while they break out their homies from subsequent zoos (one that was referenced by him looking out and seeing all of the apes as if it was foreshadowing something) and evil corporations; as if a zoo can be that evil! Then they rampage the city to escape, and go onto buildings, get into fight scenes with police and hold spears up looking menacing because they can! Frankly from the people we’ve seen, they have deserved everything they’ve gotten to them, I mean if these people who don’t seem to think clearly, understand the consequences, feel bad for what they’re doing or feel apathetic are humanity then I would be proud to serve under chimp overlords. Seriously, I was so proud when that Kenneth Parcel look-a-like character died; that fuck deserved it greatly.

So after we get shot by shot by shot of ape trying to escape San Francisco but it’s really just chimps tearing it up, wrecking havoc among the SF Bay showcasing the awesome visual effects without purpose (I mean really, do they really put themselves higher above the humans to not be considerate to anybody? This is why the police reacted the way they did, what they did could be considered disturbing the peace; even though they didn’t intend on harming anybody, they did travel throughout the city recklessly and without any regard for anybody; by the way, when are you going to stop treating films like this like demonstrations for your photo realistic animals, we don’t need you trying to fill up the last 30 minutes with special effects thank you very much. Also what’s up with the apes holding spears on top of the building, I mean they’re trying to escape and they’re holding up spears like a deceleration for war, no wonder so many people think the apes are going to start a war, this scene could of been cut to increase the impact. And yes, they included this scene in the movie… A reference turned horribly wrong.); while the dumbass chases after Ceaser because that’s what he cares about; we finally reach the climax where Ceaser and his apes escape San Francisco and that guy catches up with him… The scene itself leans towards emotional but it felt somewhat out of place with the fact that they destroyed the SF bay just earlier ago.

I mean they’re trying to end the movie in an ET moment where the guy does not care that San Francisco has been destroyed, nor does he care about the consequences. He just wants his ape back and one of the apes said “No, he is home.” I mean what, did the drug also grow voice boxes? Really? They can speak now, I thought this would happen though natural evolution; not through a drug; and if the happy ending was really needed then it should of been silent and it should of been taken more seriously. Anyway, I just love the way he symbolizes the scenes in the end, where the apes climb up the trees and we see the destroyed SF in the distance; referencing an earlier scene in which Ceaser climbs up the tree and suddenly gains clothes while reaching the top and seeing a SF skyline (pre end of the movie of course.)… Yup, Conquest ended it with the apes killing the humans (of course, they edited that ending because it was too violent but that ending is what made the movie what it is; seriously if Dodgeball ended with that ending then it would be a better movie for doing it, them losing, no happy ending; it just works.) What this is of course is a happy ending, after all of the sights of the apes destroying San Francisco, killing humans and explosions and what not; we have to end it on a happy note because well, a movie is just not a movie without a happy ending... and Rise of the Planet of the Apes just had to have one… Really…

So aside from that, there is the issue of what the movie is bringing up. I mean it’s obviously bringing up how human abuse animals and put themselves above all other creatures, I mean just look at Ceaser, he spent a lot of his lifetime just looking at these humans and the way they behave.. It also brings up how we tend to underestimate things for granted and how we tend to ultimately be our own undoing… That’d be good and all but the problem is is that this movie obviously blurts out it’s issues… Like a college boy acting stupid but blurting out smart stuff just so he can seem smart when in actuality he’s dumb. I mean sure, it’d be nice to weave these issues in a matter that feels consistent and natural but again, obvious issues, obvious movie. What else is smart, I mean it does touch on the human/ape relationship, the desire to cure someone, but even that is underplayed and untapped. I’m seriously scratching my head to figure out what in this movie is smart… Hmmm, what is in this smart movie that everybody proclaims is smart… Oh I know, the directing… Wait; the direction feels out of place in a movie like this. Oh, I know… Maybe they’re subtle, oh wait; I mentioned that earlier. I guess there isn’t a single smart thing about this movie at all… It works as palatable action but nothing is fucking smart in this movie, nothing.

Speaking of smartness, he just had to throw in a bit of nods to the old movie; to appeal to the fans. I mean well we have the usual “Get your god damn hands off me you damn dirty ape” mention, we have the apes holding up spears, we have the apes also roaming across the land, the space shuttle to Mars and it’s disappearance (NASA retired it’s space shuttle program so I guess this movie is outdated now.) what else can we add in there for fanservice? I mean trying to appeal to the fans, why not just create a good movie?; you can try to work in the nods in a way that seems to blend in a natural way but also that fans will still get to it but the way of including references to a previous movie just because the fans are going to be watching it is just, well cheap…  Trying to nod to your fans is a good idea if done right but it’s usually a bad idea if it’s done like this, like people have not heard of the Planet of the Apes before, like they need tons of lines and moments from the film just so they can recognize it’s a Planet of the Apes film. Maybe you should trying taking this movie seriously and stop giving lots of obvious nods/homages/references. I mean even people who first watch the movie don’t need to be nodded to that much.

Apparently lots of people went to see this movie; and it describes today’s Summer movie audience. Hungry for action, hungry for remakes and not caring enough whether or not the movie can live up to the namesake of it’s franchise. Sure, if a movie comes along like say… A movie with an interesting premise or a good superhero movie, sure; I might be more forgiving but if a movie comes along like this then forget it. This movie has to live up to the name of the “Planet of the Apes“, which was a fascinating movie/franchise and it apparently does not try to live up to the namesake at all; it’s like they thought they could ride on the name and make money, and that theory is proven correct 10x over. The fans won’t mind, because we like give them a nod and the moviegoing audience won’t mind because we can tug on their strings all we want and we can provide all of the michealbaysplosions we want for the people who come for the action/special effects/people who wanted to see this movie because they heard good things about it; by paying $10 bucks and seeing this movie is like giving us a sign that people want to see special effects demonstrations dressed as a movie with emotional and suspenseful plot. Sure it may or may not be better then the Tim Burton movie but this movie doesn’t have what those other movies had, and that thing… is substance. Yup… I’m not against the people who think it’s entertaining. I mean sure, a movie like this is entertaining but you have the name of a franchise on your back; plus the social revolution that has been happening in 2011; I mean there are a lot of moments beyond the 60′s the filmmakers could of looked at for inspiration, and I mean a lot. I guess they went for the simplest message out there.

Before I close out I have got one more thing to say… What is it with the gas killing humans, I mean seriously, it didn’t have any threat before when the main character cured his father with it and now it is a threat?!?! I mean you have the only guy who cares about the apes walking around all sick and stuff because he breathed the stuff, what you didn’t bother to put up a quarantine? Most fans can chalk that up to the fact that the formula was changed but this just feels like a cheap way to add tension and to create another sequel. Just look at the scene at the end, we have some airplane pilot flying from SF to NYC (to spread the disease obviously) bleeding from his nose and I’m going to assume that it’s obviously because of the gas. I mean why have a revolution when you can just unleash the gas, kill all of the humans, kill the humans that can somehow withstand the gas and make the apes all smart. That seems like a pretty cheap way of “rising” up isn’t it. At least the previous movies had some sort of rebellion/war going on with the apes, and that made sense for the eventual domination, the gas feels cheap… and with a potential sequel looming around the corner, I’m going to take a guess and say that it’s about the apes and the gas and some person has to stop them but they can’t so the apes continue to dominate therefore paving the way for the Planet of the Apes. Obviously having some character die is like telling us that this is how they’re going to take over Earth; way to blow it filmmakers. And with that, I’m done.

Recently I made a payphone call with a credit card after I was stranded out in the middle of nowhere. Yes I’m still one of the few people who doesn’t own a cellphone, smart or otherwise… And yes, I thought that payphones were still america’s trusted institution but I guess I should of rethunk that when I saw only like one payphone in a city populated to the thousands.

After I entered my credit card information and made the call that no-one picked up. I woke up the next day to discover that there was $32 charged to my credit card. Go ahead, re-read that last sentence. I can wait.

Now, phone calls usually cost about 50 cents, and that’s if you’re lucky enough to be carrying change at the time. I mean our society has been so reliant on credit cards that carrying things around like dollar bills and change has become a thing of the past; and the fact that I didn’t even bother to even consider to carry any change just proves how dependent we really are; of course, the very idea of a payphone company using credit cards to commit fraud just sickens me, I mean what kind of “math” are they using to calculate their rates?

Of course, we don’t get to see how much it actually costs whenever we use our credit cards. Take a look at the picture below…

It may be blurry but you can clearly tell that they don’t tell you the fees for a credit-card call; and they don’t even treat it like that, they have the audacity to treat it as a collect call. That logic is just fucking palatable, it’s insisting that I entered my information so that I could pay the fees that the other person was calling, and that other person was me. How the fuck does that even make sense? Collect calls are usually you call one guy and the guy gets a question on whether or not he should accept it or not; you don’t accept the fees until you accept the call. And since we’re going by the definitions of a shady payphone company, I’m guessing everybody accepts the call unwillingly.

Now, the payphone that I encountered said that it was managed by Pacific Communications; a company that I have never heard about before in my life but appears to be based in Arizona. Seriously, I haven’t seen any of their payphones from where I’ve been, this is like the first of their payphones that I’ve encountered; and I’m guessing there are more of these babies since well, unsuspecting people enterting their credit cards and calling up collect is a good business opportunity.

Even more shocking is that Pacific Communications is only just a part of it, behind that lies a company named Custom TeleConnect Inc. which just happens to be taking advantage of the gaping hole left behind by all of the payphones being taken away. What, everybody has cellphones nowaday, we just have to assume that nobody will ever use a payphone because they just so happen to have a cellphone; what a waste of money these payphones are going to become… Also they’re in Las Vegas… Yeah, take a second to realize that you’ve just been tricked by a company barely anybody has heard of.

So have millions of people in the US, a simple Google search for Custom TeleConnect Inc. will reveal tons of reports and stories about how they got scammed by this elusive company. Hell I feel bad for that family who got charged a whole lot of money due to some convict calling them repetedly despite the fact that the family didn’t want him calling. I guess he too was unaware that he was bringing extra suffering by charging the family hundreds of dollars for about 10 calls, most of which made it to voicemail. Speaking of which, there was even one who got charged despite the fact that the call didn’t make it through; yeah you heard me, the call did not make it through; that is downright low to charge him/her for a call that didn’t even go to voicemail!

Of course, there is something more downright low then charging unsuspecting people hundreds of dollars; it’s trying to get the money back from these people…

When I got my statement, there was a phone number that wasn’t even the phone number of the phone company; it was that of a printing service that was specifically for payphones. I mean really, if you didn’t want people calling to give you refunds for your unfair charges then maybe you should of done a better job at it. I mean really, if all you’re going to keep doing is giving out “compromises” for people who dispute the charges like half-off your call which costed about $32 to make then you don’t really deserve to be a company; really…

This happened when we called the number that we eventually got from the second charge they served me, and it turns out that what I called was the billing department and the bigger surprise is that there were people working there. I mean really, do they know that they’re working for a downright deceptive company like this? I mean if all they can do is just offer me and other people 30% off for a call that didn’t even make it through then let’s face it, it makes them worse then AT&T. Didn’t really matter at the end though, I got the money back through my bank and I didn’t have to give those people my credit card number. Let’s face it, if I gave them that number then I would of discovered another unexpected charge on my statement; and I’m guessing even more people would of found themselves back in this scam they’re trying so hard to avoid.

But even though I got the money back, I am still pissed off by what they’re doing. What they’re doing is praying on people who just so happens to be stupid enough to forget their cellphone and stupid enough to use their phones to make a collect call or to make a credit card call; I’m more surprised by the fact that the government hasn’t done anything to stop this, seeing as how this stuff is; let’s say I don’t know… Illegal! They don’t even tell you how much it costs or how much it’ll costs them, and I doubt that the operator will be of any further help with that matter. I don’t know how they’re getting away with this, I don’t know how they can justify those fees that they push on everybody and I certainly don’t know how the owners can justify even ripping people off like this!

Let it be known that if you ever find yourself near a payphone and you have to dial *11 in order to make a collect call; don’t. In fact, I don’t think you should be carrying around only a credit card, you should carry around some change; that way you can’t get charged exorbitant fees by this “monstrosity”. One thing that also needs to be known is that this company needs to be taken down, and fast! The faster the better am I right?

Now, it turns out that people are spreading a petition via Facebook (also known as the place where people are unaware of what information to keep to themselves.) to institute a law titled Caylee Anythony’s law; which would make it a felony to not report your child within an hour. Now I’m all for having more less-responsible parents off the street. There is just so many things wrongs with the law. Yes the fact that one hour is not enough time. I mean what if you’re totally responsible and you somehow manage to let your kids fall into the wrongs hands; would you realize it at the right time or would you wait until the second day to report him missing? If you report him missing on the second day then you have committed a felony by default, that means you’re going to jail. Seriously, it’s that strict.

It seems like people don’t think about the flaws of this law or chime in on what they can do to make it better. They just look at the image of Caylee Anthony and they say “this kid had her life ended, therefore we must mourn her and do anything in our power to stop this from ever happening.” I’m not part of the same genepool as them. I mean sure, I feel sad when kids like this die or when a person has a fatal disease but I don’t feel the same way when they start using a dead kid and a convicted cop-liar for their own agendas, and I certainly don’t like it when diseased kids wait until the last minute to announce that they will not make it. I mean seriously, if you’d post when your disease was manageable then I might feel charitable but once you announce you won’t make it at the last minute and announce a bucket list (more like a list of demands) when you know you’re not going to make it well… That’s just downright low right there and will only last for a very short time before people’s sympathy run out.

One look, and you’ll be filled with guilt in an instant.

Anyways, while I do think a law like this is a good idea; the fact that you’re given an hour is unfair to many people. I mean not every person is perfect, not every person has something wrong with them (and really, are we assuming that people with these conditions are not allowed to take care of children. If you are then I think a big “screw you”) and we sometimes manage to lose our kids or have our kids run away from us… and sometimes we aren’t even aware of it. And you’re saying that we’re bad people who endanger our children just because we didn’t report them in an hour? Baulderdash! Of course, a felony like this means that poor parents are treated like the worst criminals in history, therefore we should lock them up and place them in cells with actual murders, psychopaths and 10-time violators… That’ll teach them to take care of the kids the way we want them to.

And all the while people are focusing on this, there are even worse people out there that deserve more of your attention; well more dangerous then bad moms really… I may be for the law if they were given a 7-day window to report their child missing (I mean really, she reported her child in 19-days… That is just too long; an hour is just too strict.) but as it is it’s strict, it’s unfair and it paints mothers in a bad light if they lose their child and don’t report it in an hour. I’m sure that Casey Anthony has a lot of problems on her own and maybe she didn’t care for her child as much as she did (not enough to make her wanna kill it.) but not every person is Casey Anthony and to base this law on this is just horrible. I’m sure the 500,000 people who signed that damn thing may have done it because they were pissed off about the verdict and sad about the death but even those 500,000 will realize the error of their ways when the current version of the law gets signed. Again, too strict!

Now first of all, Unisound isn’t even a major label. It’s an independent label that will handle the publication of any album no matter how sucky it is yet this guy has such an ego that he believes he’s “made it”, when in reality he has not. Even his MySpace Music page show this as he has 1,000 to 2,000 hits for most of his songs instead of the 10,000 up-and-coming artists usually have. The only songs that have big hits right now are “I Look Good” which he is using to gain plays from people looking for Chalie Boy and Who’s That Girl which he has dedicated to about 13 girls. I’m not making this up, I searched on Google and these are the results that came up.

And the quote that he uses…

“I don’t usually do this but you’re so pretty, I have to dedicate my song to you “Who’s That Girl 2010″ on my page.  Only you fit the lyircs perfectly”

He’s supposed to dedicate a song to only one girl, looks like Charlie Check’m is as shallow as he gets, he’s relying on shallow girls in order to further his fanbase. They will do anything just to touch Charlie Check’m hot muscular abs and have relations with… Oh wait, Charlie Check’m never had a relationship, he’s still looking for the right girl and apparently it could be anybody. If I was a girl and I had to pick between a regular guy and Charlie Check’m, I’d chose the regular guy because he’s more reliable, more secure and more procreative then Charlie Check’m, who I suspect might have small man parts from acting tough all the time, it’s probably true though since he has big abs and he frequently threatens Gay People alot because they’re a threat to his masculinity.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about his “albums” or as I like to call them “a lazy and cheap excuse to copy songs from one album to another because he’s to lazy to even make entirely new songs for an album”. He has released 7 albums “Using the names Charlie Check’m, Charlie Boy (“so original”) and Charlie Roc (“super original”). And on his records, he unashamedly copies songs from past albums onto his new albums, thinking that they’ll sell millions and he’ll be able to hire a good “promotional team” with the nonexistant money he has. In fact, here’s a search in iTunes for the song “Controled by The Pussy”.

He has it on 5 albums, 5 ALBUMS. This guy is obviously trying to make his songs into hits and what’s the best way to do it, it’s by releasing a single and gaining buzz and actually making good music, not by putting it on 5 albums. If you put it on 5 albums then people will start to think that you’re just relying on this song in order to start your career, you’re just relying on this song which apparently sounds horrible and feels generic in order to make you famous. And if that isn’t convincing enough, he has a skit called Comfort Zone on most of his albums, it seems like he’s trying to be funny like Eminem but he apparently falls flat. That high pitched “character” is not your Ken Karniff, Ken Karniff is weird and funny and enjoyable, he just seems to be very annoying and a degrading stereotype as if black people talk this way. You sir have no understanding about anything my friend, including the record business.

In fact, you don’t even understand woman. Woman need somebody reliable, woman need somebody to help them with the housework, do equal work around the house and be a supporting father if they have children. Not have a man who has big abs and forces his woman to do all the work around the house while he just sits there and neglects his children. Hell he even seems like the obsessive type, he even posted his cell phone number to a girl he doesn’t even know. Normally a relationship works up to the point where the woman feels that he’s trustworthy enough to give him her phone number, but he’s really desperate. Desperate enough to give a woman his cell phone number and ask her to call him since he’s available 24/7 and for the fact that he’s a rapper so he has the idea that woman will be all over him.

So getting back to the albums, all of his iTunes albums have a rating of 1 and a half to 2 stars. Even his reviews say what is wrong with his albums. But this ain’t about that, Charlie has created fake reviews for his albums under the names “Peaches08”, “Flora2010” and “Ronaldo Anderson”, you can clearly tell it’s him because it doesn’t even go into detail about why the album is good, instead it just says that it’s banging and you should buy it. Here is a review from Peaches08.

“This album is most definitetely not your average rap album. Every song has a different concept. Lots of rappers rap about almost the same thing on every song but not Charlie Check’m. I enjoyed the comedy, the musical compositions, the punch lines and the animated flows. nice.”

Yeah… This is obviously made by Charlie Check’m as the average rap fan wouldn’t have an idea about the “musical compositions” and the fact that it sounds like an advertisement. I laugh at the fact that every song has a different concept and rappers rap about the same thing because if we apply this to Charlie Check’m, then we learn that the concepts of the songs are laughable and derivative (almost every song is about the ladies) and the fact that he raps about the same thing, in fact I think he’s trying to build himself a fake fanbase here. Since nobody in the right mind would give a Charlie Check’m album a 5… They would think logically and give it a 1 because they have good tastes in music, they’re not shallow. And also the fact that I know it’s Charlie Check’m is because this reviewer reviews every one of Charlie Check’m’s albums and gives it 5 stars. Think I’m making this up, look.

This isn’t even manipulated in any way, all 6 of those reviews are for Charlie Check’m’s albums and they’re all rated 5. An iTunes reviewer would review other albums by other artists but not a fake reviewer, he doesn’t even make him or herself seem like a different person, the way he types, spells and uses grammar are all the same so you know it’s Charlie Check’m just by reading it. I’m a rapper and the only reviews I’ll get is honest reviews containing honest criticism and an honest score, I would never create somebody to review my own albums for me and give them 5’s, that’s be downright low and downright dishonest. And I’d never use some form or controversy such as being an atheist or hating gay people. Eminem has already voiced his disain for gay people and Christians, so it seems like Charlie Check’m has to use it as a base for his career since in his own mind, nobody has ever gone after christans or gays in rap albums, except Eminem but he’s ignoring those verses that say that.

mc chris is an atheist but he does not say it often. Why?, because he doesn’t rely on gimmicks, all he relies on is making music that he feels reaches out to his demographic, and the music he makes is good and enjoyable. Charlie Check’m however, uses atheism cause he knows that Christians will release press releases on this rapper named Charlie Check’m and give him more publicity. He even released an album called “Listen Without Fear” where he bashes Christians for being evil and hating people when they’re out of church. While I respect Christians, I don’t exactly believe with the whole “God is watching and he will save you” thing and the reason I’m an atheist is because I don’t believe that god exists and everything that happens is purely scientific. But I’m not going to diverge into that, because what happened next will shock you.

Yes, Charlie Check’m got banned from Atheist Nexus and AIM and got his name blacklisted and became a mockery within the atheist community to the point where even non-atheists couldn’t help but make fun of him. A google search for Charlie Check’m turns up a lot of these pages, and most of them are a laugh riot. Now getting back on topic, the theories about why their gay if you can even call that is because they have a “brain malfunction”, but I disagree about what it’s called because a malfunction implies that there’s a problem impeding with the operation of the product but it can be fixed, now a defect implies that the problem is in there but it can’t be fixed so it has to be replaced. Therefore I think the proper term is “brain defect” because it cannot be fixed according to Charlie Check’m.

And let’s not start over the factors. He believes that the brain takes different paths and then takes one wrong turn and it makes the person gay since their sexual orientation is all wrong (he thinks that a man thinking like a woman constitutes as a brain malfunction.) First of all, it’s pure logic that the brain is smart enough to make the right turns during development, there is only a small chance that the brain will make a wrong turn, only a very small chance and that chance can be upped by the environmental factors such as toxins and chemicals so the reason why more people are gay and the reason why we have things like Autism, OCD, ACD and others is because of the environmental factors.

I’ve engaged in a conversation with Charlie Check’m and even though I showed him my logic, he still believes in his logic and he also believes that he’s the arbiter and god combined. In that conversation, he said that gays were protesting against scientists because they are developing a cure that’ll make gay people normal and that’ll undermine their “political agenda”. Since when do gays have a political agenda, they know they’re weird, they know that they’re supposed to be attracted to woman but instead they are attracted to men. Some know their condition and want it cured while others are fine with it and don’t want the cure, so why do you think that gays can manipulate politics and science, why do you think that gays want to stop something that could also potentially cure Autism, OCD or ACD. If a Christian was a scientist then scientific progress would of stopped a long time ago.

He also thinks that in the future when there is a cure for gayness, they’ll be two groups, the group who wants to stay gay and protest and the ones who used to be gay but are now straight so they hate the gays. I also think that gays will have superpowers strong enough to be able to lift the Golden Gate Bridge to Alkatraz and there will be a war that will happen exactly like the movie “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” which I thought was a good movie but let’s get back to the point, a cure would likely involve brain surgery and he does not understand the brain in any way. The brain is a complex thing and one mistake could leave you braindead. Now if I were a gay guy and I wanted to be cured of gayness, which priorty would be first. Would I take the cure and risk everything to become straight or would I not take the cure and stay as I am? I’d probably choose the latter because there is no way of knowing if the brain surgeon is experienced or if he’s going to make a mistake. That’s the reason why brain surgery is so controversal, just one little mistake and you kill your patient, just one. If there is a cure for gayness and while a gay guy is getting the cure, a mistake could happen. It’s just the fact that it’s a very risky surgery and it’s not going to happen exactly as Charlie Check’m says because people put survival over whether their straight or gay.

Which brings me to my next point, he recently released a video of himself saying his reasons to why Gay Marriage is bad on YouTube.

If you suffered through the entire 6 minutes of the video then congratulations. Here’s what I think, the whole thing with gay people trying to make gayness normal is as stupid as your theory that gay teens are stalking straight teens to seduce and have sex with them and make them gay. Look out child predators, things have gotten a lot more stupid. You realize that painting gay teens as sexual predators is homophobic right, in fact, here is one choice quote from his YouTube page from somebody named TimothyRed1990.

“I also support Charlie and most of his views. I was molested by a homosexual at age 13, and it’s a horror I’ll not soon forget. Keep homosexuals away from young boys and call it “garriage” and no one has a problem with what they do in their own bedrooms.”

Really? Cause homosexuals aren’t attracted to young boys, child predators are and since you were 13 you were molested by a child predator. It’s this kind of FUD that Charlie is relying on to spread his views. Not once have I seen or heard of a 15 year old gay boy sexually seduce and have sex with a straight boy, this is completely stupid. I don’t think there even is such a thing as gay teen predators. Charlie has since deleted the blog posts from his MySpace page but he did have quotes that he took out of context, they weren’t even about gay predators, they were about kids who felt unconformable around their gay friends, that doesn’t mean they’re going to have sex with them now is it? It doesn’t, I read the answers and the whole post, I don’t just look at it and think “Oh a gay teen must be seducing a straight teen”.I read it and I come to my own conclusions.

Anyways, trying to make gay normal is impossible because of the way we perceive normal, two men kissing and having sex with each other is not normal and never will be, two people who are in a sexual relationship with each other will never be normal, some adults will feel weird and kids will especially feel weird since they’re accustomed to what they see. Gays are not out to harm children and convince them that gayness is normal, this is a free country and we should have equal rights for everyone. No more X is different to Y because it doesn’t apply to everything. Bikes have 2 wheels and cars have 4 wheels but they’re both modes of transportation.

Gays are not trying to trick people into political submission, I don’t even know what that means. Last time I checked there were people who hated gays because what they saw was wrong and what they was wasn’t normal so they treated them badly. It’s not “like us gays or we’ll brand you a homophone”. Everyone has a right to their opinion, they don’t have to like gays, they don’t have to be in support of gays, they can believe and like anybody who they want. We’re not being forced to like them, we’re not being forced into politics, it’s people like you who make gays worse then they are in real life with your belief that gays have a political agenda, they’re not tricking us nor have they tricked me. I respect gays but I’m straight because I’m attracted to woman. It’s just like they say, “If you’re attracted to woman, you’re straight and if you’re attracted to men, you’re gay” There’s no political stuff in there.

Also he brings this up in the video but gays are not trying to take the identity of marriage. Seriously this guy thinks that if gays take the word marriage then society will collapse. Well in places where gay marriage is allowed, is the heterosexuals identity taken, is society in collapse? I say no because the only change that happens is that gays can marry other gays now. straight people can still marry woman and nothing has changed, it’s just one minor addition. Do you think that we heterosexuals are so stubborn that we refuse to share one word with other people, that we refuse to share the word marriage. It’s like a kid in kindergarten just refuses to share with the other kids, except it’s about gay rights. So where are you getting this, how will gays marrying other gays threaten the word marriage? I don’t feel it, it just doesn’t seem very logical.

So Charlie Check’m, horrible rapper, horrible atheist, egotistical and a retarded homophobe. What more do you want me to say, I’ve been in a debate before and I even gave him tips, which he took as some sort of reply because honestly, who’d reply to a guy trying to help. Anyways, you shouldn’t take anything Charlie Check’m says as serious because apparently those are for “Entertainment Purposes Only” and isn’t that what Eminem said when he replied to controversy when he released “The Slim Shady LP”, how much can you rip off from Eminem, if I sent your albums to Eminem right now he’d laugh at you and burry you so deep that you can never come up for air, even I can rap circles around you. Gays are not bad people, there is no one to stand up to gays because gays are not bullies, they are not evil, they are not oppressive and you will not be a hero for rising up to them, you will just be a guy with an opinion.

UPDATE 01/29/2010:

Looks like he has a new theory, apparently if the brain does not get too much or too little testosterone then this will effect the brain and the gonads which will be malformed for the wrong sex somehow. First off, testosterone only affects the growth of the body, it does not effect the parts of the brain which perceive the sex, it only effects the growth of the brain. The brain is usually smart enough to avoid mostly any defect and testosterone is not going to affect that. The gonads aka the “man parts” is absurd because it cannot be malformed if you’re gay via testosterone, it produces sperm and whether you’re gay or not, you can still reproduce. This is evidence that Charlie has no idea how to come up with a theroy, he just goes with what seems to be the most popular research. It isn’t even conclusive how gay people are gay, they say it’s in the brain but how does it work exactly, and what about all the other mental conditions?

The truth about gay people isn’t exactly solid, the only truth that’s valid is that gay people are attracted to men and not woman. Nobody knows how it works, nobody has any solid evidence and all they have to use is theories. Most people know it happens in the brain but not everybody knows what parts are affected or what makes them gay. Scienctists are still figuring that out and in a few years when it’s figures out what makes gay people gay then the truth is found. Otherwise there is no truth for now, it all feels like lies to me. Until a scientific breakthrough is announced, It’s not the truth to me.

Also he believes that gay people getting married is part of their agenda, a hidden agenda which has no ultimate purpose. I guess that it is to make gay stuff normal, or is it to make gay people touching a straight guys ass legal. See apparently Charlie Check’m believes that gay people can’t control themselves and they go after straight people asking them to suck their man parts knowing that they’re straight. He’s painting gays as people who can’t control themselves and people who can’t respect other peoples spaces when in actuality they are people like you and me, only the change is that they’re attracted to men instead of woman.

While I do respect people who have different opinions then mine, Charlie Check’m's opinions just make me rage. He actually believes that his music is good and people actually buy it. I actually researched into this and it turns out that Charlie Check’m has to leave comments on the pages of many MySpace women to get them to listen to his music, this brings me to the point. He is very, very shallow. Most people would actually look for qualities in a woman but not Charlie Check’m, he just posts comments on MySpace pages saying how cute they are and how she is his true love. If you leave comments to woman saying that they’re their true love then you’re probably shallow.

I’d also like to say that all he cares about is that his music is being sold. This is one of the stupidest things to care about in the music industry, people should care about making the music good, making them music listenable more them one time and making the music timeless. Not just make songs that will make a quick buck. It seems like all people care about in the music industry is making a quick buck, like I don’t take the time to make music. I have autisim but I manage it because I don’t want to seem like a self-importent jerk who cares about himself. Charlie Check’m however is a self-important jerk who cares about himself.

If you have lurked around then you’ll know that Charlie Check’m spams sites with links to his music, especially “Yahoo Answers”. People hate Charlie Check’m to the point where they have made freestyle raps dissing him, seriously. The only people who buy his music are woman and producers who think they’re big time and can bring people to the top. No sane or smart person would dare buy his music, it’s just so horrible in any way and tell me, if you’re getting “sells” then why are you still living at your house with your mom. Your Barack Obama single sold like 10,000 copies then you should have $9,900 and if your albums are selling at the same rate as your Barack Obama single then you should have $50,000 dollars, so why are you still living with your mom?

Furthermore, if he is so focused on telling the truth then why did he block me and delete my comments, why did he effectively censor me while other people didn’t get censored. Probably because I left a message in the comments saying that he’s no better then the other guy. If you look at them, they’re praising him as the first guy to stand up for gays, many other people came before him, he’s not the first. And if you also observe his comments, you’ll see that some of them are mysteriously being deleted (from other people, not just by me). Guess like he’s not for telling the truth, I guess like he’s covering it. You heard me right, he is actually deleting not just comments but blog posts and videos that contradict any of his comments.

He may seem like he supports gay marriage under a different name but most of the comments he posts contradict that message. Many of the comments he’s made include threats and generally homophic but also absurd things such as the gay teen predators I keep mentioning. There was even a MySpace post where he misquoted questions from “Yahoo Answers” and presented them in a way that seemed like gay people were coming on to them. There was also a few blog posts about how he portrays atheists as homo-loving-faggots and a post blasting the host of an atheist show which cannot be mentioned due to morality issues about how they treated him badly when in reality, it was him who was being bad. Here’s a link to the thread.

So in essence, he is doing the same thing he claims that homo’s are doing, covering up the truth and getting angry whenever he hears the truth. If he was telling the truth then he would not delete anything that contradict his claims, no matter how contradicting it is. But since he’s deleting stuff that contradicts stuff he said then it supports my theory. There was this one video named “Gays violating freedom of speech” about gay people’s freedom of speach and it said that the song “Christian and a homo” was based on a true story and apparently he saw a Christian and a Homo in his fantasy world and decided to make a song about it. I doubt that it’s true because mainly it ties into the theory that gays and christians have hidden agenda. Now if I can get a homo and a chrisitan onto my yard, then it’d be considered a true story.

Let’s get to the point, Charlie Check’m is ignorant (not about gays but about reality), shallow and troubled. He is everything that I hate, his logic is horrible, his theories are stupid and he can’t even face reality. I bet he hasn’t even lived one minute in the ghetto or on his own, all of his living has been done with his mom. He doesn’t know anything about girls, he can’t even choose one and he contradicts himself with every comment he says. The way he titled his video “Why Do I Hate Gay People” even contradicts his views that he supports gay marriage under a different name and he treats every comment against him as an argument, apparently he loves to fight and “debate”. He even does the same thing he thinks the homo’s do, cover up the truth. I don’t think that allowing gays to marry will harm the heterosexual identity, in fact it is still intact in the states where they allow gay marriage. All Charlie Check’m is is a mentally challenged guy who can’t process reality, he can only process fantasy.

Mostly he is insane, the reason being is that it’s censorship, meaning that anything objectable, or anything that could be harmful, dangerous to children or might promote terrorism is immediately blurred out or removed as soon as possible. I understand that there are many guides on the internet that show people how to do these things and mostly 30% or more of the internet is potentially offensive, but the fact that anything could be considered a threat to terrorism is partially stupid. The reason why I use partially stupid is because there are mostly some things that could be used for terrorism that we don’t know about yet but come on, we’re mostly prepared for a terrorist attack that hasn’t happened yet or possibly will not happen. I understand the safety of everyone and the thought of preventing terrorism once and for all and this might have a very, very small chance of working but I think the bill is stupid and the guy doesn’t have an idea how it works, though I do applaud his bravery.

Think about it, if a normal people were to be looking for a hospital of some sort, let’s say that they’re sick or that they need urgent attention. They would find that the hospital is blurred out for some reason, prompting some confusion as to why an average hospital would be blurred out. Or if they needed directions of a school of some sort, they would find it blurred and would also prompt confusion as to why the school is blurred out. I don’t know why a hospital or a school would need to be blurred out considering that as said above, it’s a top down map only and Street View does not allow you to view the campus or the back of a hospital. Furthermore if there were an impeding Terrorist attack, they would most likely be able to evacuate everyone safely and be able to defuse the bomb or shoot down the missile or whatever the terrorists might be doing. Also they would need blueprints of some sort because they would not know the interior or the structure of the building as Google Maps and mostly other map programs only show the roof.

Also, because the governor issuing the bill might not know that the bill applies to the US only, which means that the aformented things listed above will only be blurred in the United States and any other potential terrorist targets outside of the US will not be blurred. If the governor realizes that Google Maps may be used to plan Terrorist attacks in the US may be used to plan attacks in other countries such as Asia, Africa, South America, Russia, and other foreign countries. I’m not saying that I support the attacks on other countries but I’m pointing out a minor flaw in his bill. It would be that America is potentially safer and the other countries are even more vulnerable and valuable since it would be easier to plan out using Google Maps or any other mapping program that he might mention. Additionally, this would lead to some invasion of some other country or a crippling of another country of which a terrorist group could do for some reason or another.

More importantly, the plan of blurring out parts of a map is considered censorship to some. Let’s say that you liked something, something that was enjoyable, influential and risky, something that was released long ago. Let’s say that you saw the same thing a few years later, your favorite parts of the book are either changed, toned down or removed entirely. That’s what censorship is like, forcing people to remove or change the things they say in order to appeal to people who are either overreacting, are offended or believe that what they’re saying aren’t right at all. Mostly this feels wrong because people are going to be in a uproar because the government or a bill forced Google or Yahoo to blur out or remove any offensive, inappropriate or classified content, people feel that the way the internet delivers content is screwed up because companies and groups are confused by how they should deliver it and how it might cause an uproar or something.

I appreciate what he’s trying to do but I don’t think this bill is ever going to work. For one, it’s forcing companies to censor their content which people will complain over because the internet is supposed to be a free way to express opinions, two is that how is this going to help prevent terrorism since mostly Google doesn’t have any serious terrorism planning abilities, the blurred out areas are going to be obvious to terrorists, and it’s limited to companies located in California, which means that a company like Microsoft will have clear shots of those areas and it may be used as a terrorist tool itself, and it only covers the US which means other countries are not covered as described above, also the terrorists could use paper maps and phone books to find out places to strike. Three is that it’s poorly planned out, I mean if he truly wanted to prevent terrorism, he would want to take the issue to the United Nations and let them make a decision of whether to blur their terrorist targets or not.

I’m not saying that I support the bill, but with the emphasis on censorship and the fact that it’s poorly planned, I don’t think that it will ever work out. I personally think that there is no probable way to stop terrorism without causing a panic or some controversy but I think that some places are properly prepared after 9/11 to be ready to face this threat should it ever become a reality again, though I do hate the censorship that did come after 9/11 what with shows cutting scenes that involve buildings crashing and all that and that was a major blow for TV shows and media altogether. But I don’t think that maps should ever have to blur out anything just because it might cause some potential harm, mostly all censorship has done was sprout up paranoia and other kinds of fear because what they’re hiding or what they’re doing to free speech or it could be inappropriate for children or whatever insane reason there is and it’s brought no good for everyone except the people who think that it’s right.

Okay, he says he understands that he understands bug fixes and taking the time to make sure it’s ready for mass consumption and the entire thing was created to show a community that they’re ready for Windows 7 and they’re apparently proud of it. Really, this doesn’t make any sense. If you wanted to create a group that shows people that are truly excited for Windows 7 then you’d probably create a Facebook group on it or join some Windows forum or create an IRC chatroom titled #windows7, that would of make tons more sense then this publicity grabbing site there is. Really, there should be some community to release Duke Nukem Forever, that’s being developed for a long time and should of flown a long time ago, that way the game would be released and Duke Nukem Forever would finally not be identified as vaporware. Seriously creating a community with the basis that you want to release Windows 7 now is stupid, instead you should of been entirely honest and just said that you were just excited for Windows 7.

Honestly, releasing a product now would be utter chaos, just look at the premature release of Windows ME, there were lots of flaws, bugs, and most importantly lots of crashes and BSoD’s which drove people to the near brink of insanity. Windows Vista was similar due to the fact that there were lots of incompatible hardware and software out there, people had to buy much more powerful hardware due to the higher system requirements and the 7 confusing editions. If Windows 7 were released now, then it’d be a nightmare for everyone to see that Windows 7 has disappointed everyone who believed in it. Software needs time to perfect (though I do say that they’re capable of making it to RC faster), to make a perfect experience for everybody, to make it sell and to make it exceed everyone’s expectations like every release of Mac OS X.

The site has even got some publicity due to the because of the avidness of the Windows fan and the impossibility of releasing Windows 7, and most of it seems to be making fun of it. Even though he does not get the idea, he still appreciates all of the publicity he’s getting and even posts it on his website. He’s even proud of a mention on MacBreak Weekly (if you’ve gotten a mention on a Mac specific podcast, that means they’re really taking you “seriously”) and “Microsoft” is reaching out to interview him… I’ll take this with a grain of salt because when Windows 7 is released which is to most people late 2009/early 2010 and after his 15 minutes of internet fame are up then Kelly Poe will go back to obscurity and this will be just another internet meme by 4chan but will instantly spread across the internet within a few weeks, which is what may happen due to the fact that releasing stuff now will likely be the new internet catchphrase mixed in with lots of products we wished got released.

So that’s it in a nutshell. I want to say a few words before I end this, why does he ™ everything. It’s not a big problem but it definitely isn’t required. I use a lot of words without trademarks at the end generally because it doesn’t matter whether it’s at the end, because nobody’s going to sue for a word that’s being used in a general context. They’ll only sue when it’s used in an inappropriate and infringing context. Also he’s trying to start a community about people excited about Windows 7. To me, a community is where people can hang out, make new friends, talk about anything, share stuff with them and have a good time while doing it. Mostly all I see is a petition for people who want Windows 7 released now and the only thing that resembles a community is that Facebook group page a fan created. If he’s serious about making a community then he’ll have to rethink everything and take down that stupid petition in the first place. I appreciate what he’s trying to do but I don’t think it’ll work.

This revolved over an auto-bury feature being discovered after Mike Venon, the person formally known as nitmeh3, acted out on Digg after he noticed that his submissions were being automatically buried (full story here). Then it was discovered that he had 3 blocked accounts before and to apparently prevent any damage to the Digg community, his posts were being buried. I don’t get how this works exactly considering that he might be reforming himself, if anyone knows how this works, comment below! So after talking to a few of his Digg friends, who were trying to give helpful advice but instead he decided to let his anger take over and sent an obscene message requesting him to ban him, which they delightfully did. They also offered to reactivate his account should he choose to calm down or discover that he was acting foolish all along. I know that some of you remember that I might of acted stupid, angry and blind a lot of the time but as a guy who’s blogging about this situation, I have a lot to say about him.

First of all, getting banned from Digg 3 times was very stupid, I don’t know what he did (go out on some user, go out on Digg, or break the ToS), but attempting to come back means even more trouble if you got banned previously. Seriously, if you’ve been given 3 chances to fix your behavior or learn from what you did and you break those 3 chances then that means you’re probably not going to learn your previous mistakes or you have some serious issues going on down there. Even though this guy has been given restrictive terms (IE, not being able to digg upcoming stories and not being able to be featured on the front page) but still, he’s angry because he’s unable to cope to the restrictive terms of his 4th chance to be a member on Digg and even after talking with many of his fellow Digg users, with many of them telling them to just “Let it go, it’s nothing major, who cares if you’re on the front page.” but unfortunately he decided to let his anger get in the way and as fate would have it, he acted very childish.

Also he’s doing a very, very, very stupid thing. Instead of realizing that the way he might of been acting might of been a sign that he needed to change. He sort of developed his own views against Digg and has created what he calls the “Digg Ban Rampage”, a sort of unnecessary uprising against the evilness of Digg and their “overmoderation” of users. I’ve been on the site for a while and I have not felt someone telling me what to do or forcing my words to be altered in a way that wouldn’t offend anyone. Mostly this restriction is mainly in their heads, unless I encounter some sort of “overmoderation” then I think they’re crazy, seriously. Their gaming the system in a fruitless attempt to get Digg to notice them and to get their vengeance for being “wrongly” banned and to make Digg users realize that Digg is not really what it seems. Also they posted a really ineligible but readable image that was obviously made in paint. It’s obviously NSFW but it contains a very crude message about sticking something inside the rears of Digg moderators.

Look, the only way that you can bring change is if many of you email Digg support, email Kevin Rose, just show your general support. Not by doing this, not by doing what they’re doing currently. I think that Digg’s staff would treat you better if you acted better or acted appropriately or better yet, if you just would of not gotten in trouble at all. Because if you constantly get in trouble then they might stop treating you a bit seriously and treat you like a user who might get into trouble again, and that might be very, very bad for Digg. That goes for the users who are even on the rampage, you’re not getting anywhere. You are going to disrupt the experience for many established users, you might even drive away new users who’ll think that Digg is a bad place to go due to the fact that they think they can’t control their users. I assure you this is not the way to go, this will just end in pity and you’ll be digging a deeper hole for yourself then the one you are currently in.

Seriously, I hope that this issue dissolves and everyone can live happily ever after. These guys seriously need some help getting outside to the real world or just need some counseling and some seriously needed punishment. The fact that they’re going to game the system just because these guys got in trouble is inexcusable, gaming the system just to get the message across. Whatever message that is, it’s bad, it’s unnecessary and it could of been spread if the users would of been following the Terms of Service and it’s also an example that people should learn from their past mistakes. I wish them the best of luck at seeking help or a local physiologist to help them get their life back in shape and make them realize that what they’ve been doing is wrong. Also I’m still taking that break and also I’m not dead as my Twitter stream suggests, no. Merely I’m doing the same thing Megan is currently doing. Sad to see her show ending but hey, it’s her decision, she needs more time with the kids. In the meantime, I’ll break my twitter-silence eventually, just keep on watching.