So apparently there’s this movie called “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” that was released just a few days ago, and apparently it’s the hottest thing since sliced bread; presumably since that Tim Burton directed movie came out and well, anything’s better then that movie right? I haven’t seen that movie yet so I don’t know if the rumors about it are true but I have seen this movie and I can tell you that it sucks 100% donkey balls. Yeah, there are reviews out there proclaiming it as smart, witty, brilliant, best special effects in the history of special effects but is it really smart as they say it is, is it witty or is it just disguising itself to be witty when all it is is a demonstration for photo-realistic apes? Cause that’s what it feels like, a demonstration of Weta’s Digital ability to create photo realistic apes; as if Avatar wasn’t already such a convincing display of their work.

The fact that most of these scenes consist of “hey, look at the fucking photo-realistic apes, aren’t we the best at creating those types of apes?” just furthers my theory. I mean there are tons of scenes that could of not involved the use of digital technology. I mean look at the original “Planet of the Apes” and it’s later sequels, they managed to get the effects, the feelings, the timing just right and they didn’t even have to use fucking digital technology to achieve that effect either. The fact that these assholes proclaim the excellence of the digital effects just sickens me; it’s like they’re proclaiming this movie to be a masterpiece of technology, a special effects showcase that shows how obsolete those stupid, primitive apes were and how newer and badass cool our apes are. Yeah… I’m guessing that “Planet of the Apes” in 2011 would of focused more on the special effects and less on the story and social commentary.

An example of this is the beginning scene where it starts off in a serene African jungle and then ends up with an ape captured; not just apes, an ape, meaning one. I mean you have fucking Africans chasing them and you only capture one ape? What? What about the other apes, aren’t you going to show how cruel those people are by capturing alot of apes instead of just one. I mean what’s so special about that ape, is he the one who’s going to be an essential part of the movie? Is he some type of rare breed? If anything why capture that one ape? Why capture that one ape and leave the rest of the apes behind; what are you thinking???

Anyways…, I did not get to the story at all; the most important part of the film. Let’s just say that it feels like it’s trying to pack several different plots into one movie; it revolves around this one guy and his ape who he bonds with, but then a girl gets involved and he goes between this guy and his ape and his dad, and then it involves a girl and then it involves Ceaser and his ape like desires… You try to read that and understand how it goes along; seriously the way the writers and directors execute it is bad, bad, bad. In fact most of it feels like a Lifetime TV movie, a dark gritty prison movie and a german directed disaster movie. Yes, it’s three different movies in one clusterfuck! Directed by acclaimed director Rupert Wyatt no less, note how I use the word acclaimed in a discerning matter…

And adding to the jumbled up story is the fact that most of the characters aren’t memorable; from the people in the laboratory to even the people later on in the movie, none of them are memorable! There is also the fact that the main character (James Franco as Will Rodman for future reference) comes across as pompous, selfish, apathetic, and a slow learner. I mean hints are dropped throughout the movie to his motives, his desires and his thoughts but the actions that he does is just appealing. I mean  it’s established that he created this cure for Alzheimer’s because his dad has it and he’s just so desperate to cure it with the drug (that is oddly mass produced despite the fact that it’s experimental and the fact that the black guy and the FDA hasn’t totally signed off on it yet; I mean what’s the purpose of creating large quantities of the drug if you can’t even sell it yet?) that the motives he does is understandable but even he doesn’t give much of a shit for the dad in the middle of the movie.

About the dad… I could not connect with him at all, I mean sure, he’s the reason he created the cure and sure, he’s having problems but at no point did I even take his problems seriously… Sure, he forgets stuff, sure, he has trouble playing music (he was a music teacher and a big part of his life) but was he in any real danger… No. Was he going to die right now? No, and the only reason why he was “dangerous” was because he got into a confrontation with his caretaker involving a lamp speaking various kinds of jiberish and his caretaker got all scared and stuff, saying that he’s now impossible; (I know now that he’s suffering from Movie Alzheimer’s Syndrome; I’m guessing that if he had it in real life, he’d be in the moderate stage.) adding to this fact is mainly it doesn’t feel natural, I mean sure; there’s a 3 year passage of time that is suggested (due to the movie switching to a 3 year old Ceaser and the main actor narrating what happened with the monkey. Side note: these are the only suggestions that time has passed seeing as how they did not take into consideration actually aging the characters) and his Alzheimers does look worse but dropping a lamp, really? I would either have some sort of suggestion that the caretaker is facing difficulty (to the point where she can’t handle it no more) or that the dad is getting worse and worse in his aggression; anyways, I’m going to take a guess and say that had he not taken the drug he wouldn’t be dead. Sure, he would still have the disease but he would still be here and he wouldn’t be dead and none of this would of ever happened… Hell, he wouldn’t even be yelled at by his own son. Scratch that, I’m an idiot; turns out he got into someone elses car who’s door was open and who’s key was in the ignition. I can understand how someone like him would confuse that car for his own but why leave it open, hell why even leave the keys in the damn ignition? Anybody could steal the car easily and he would never see it again; though I suppose it is the only way they could think of to get the ape crazy and attacking someone who he thinks is attacking his father.

Also after he dies, he doesn’t even mention his death much after he dies because of the drug… Which he gave in the first place because he dropped a lamp; I mean he wasn’t in any danger, he wasn’t scary; he just dropped a fucking lamp!; and that caused him to test the drug without testing the human first. I mean what happens if the drug kills him? Aren’t you smart enough to test the drug before applying it on your own dad? (Even the only guy who cares for the apes suggest that the gas form could kill his father) Of course, he does die when the gas form of the drug he made completely out of forced desperation (adding to the fact is that he spells out that he’s going to make a stronger, more aggressive version of the drug without really sounding out how he even knows how to make the drug nor the perfect balance nor even learn from his mistakes before. I guess “not wanting to lose them both” is a pretense for rushing things huh?) he administered backfired on him but really, he should of been smart enough to know… or care! Ha!

There’s also the part where he adopts an baby chimp that an ape who had the drug birthed before going crazy and going on a rampage; by the way, what the fuck were they thinking when they made the ape did that. I mean that ape has a child, why would he leave his ape child alone? Obviously those people would do something with it and well any smart ape would know that well, it’d basically be pointless to fucking go on a rampage to protect your child; I mean protect your fucking child. I get that this is just a movie but seriously, if these types of things continue to play out in movies then I’ll have doubts upon whether or not Hollywood can make a good movie again.

Anyway… so he adopts this ape and he raises it as his own… Well I wouldn’t say raise exactly as what he does as “raising” is just let him live in his house while he watches humans interact through the window… Sure, there are the occasional events where he takes him out to the redwoods or interacts with him using sign language and English but for the most part he doesn’t even communicate with him; he just let’s him live while he obsesses about his cure and gets pissed off about his dad even though he fucking knew the cure wasn’t working. He doesn’t even care to teach him about human life and such, a point proven when he takes Ceaser to the place where his mother was killed and focuses only on the mother and not on the fact that these people who work only for money on cruel; come to think about it, he doesn’t even care that much about Ceaser at all. a point being that he doesn’t take care of his dad, even though he knows that his disease has returned… He just lets him walk to someone elses car and have someone else yell at him while Ceaser watches through the window; nice way to treat your disabled dad asshole; and nice way to get Ceaser pissed off enough to fight someone in self-defense knowing how people perceive apes in this world… Seriously, what an asshole; he even got Ceaser locked up and only then did he feel somewhat bad about it… (He didn’t emote as much as, I mean he seemed to be a bit robotic and stiff when it came to getting him set free) Well feel bad for Ceaser, not for his dad… Even after he died…

Seriously… He only cared about the side effects rather then the death of his dad himself, I mean the only scene we’re even shown that he cares is when he picks up books and belonging of his and places them in a cardboard box; you think that he should of reacted earlier, what with the fact that he knew the drug wasn’t working on his father anymore. Instead it is only after his death that he reacted, when he wanted to stop testing because he took the drug and tested it on his dad without knowing what would happen…

It doesn’t help much that even after Ceaser gets placed into animal control (well, really a prison for apes.); he chooses to focus on the cure rather then the ape’s own safety and care… I mean seriously, he works on his own cure and then he has several sudden changes of heart that’s so sudden that my head suddenly got dizzy. Sure it might of been from the father dieing but from what I’ve been seen, I don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know if I can even believe that this guy suddenly gave a shit about Ceaser locked up in there (that scene when he confronts those people when he sees a gun doesn’t count, it would count if he followed up on his threats instead of working on the cure.) when he was working on his cure; I mean what kind of a person forgets about Ceaser being locked up in prison; this guy!

Additionally, he also pays a bribe to the director in an attempt to free Ceaser but, you know what happens afterwards… Remember what I said about his threats, well it would of worked 10x better had the main character grown an attachment to both Ceaser and the other apes and if he actually showed affection towards the apes, I mean this is just a new low in ape-human relations; “I care about one ape and one ape only, why should I even care about the other apes when I experimented on them; the only reason why I want to end the trials was because I killed my dad using the drug and now I have doubts about the human effects of it.” I mean if he cared more or equally about the apes than the humans than he would be more likeable and relatable; hell even his mission would be relatable “To not lose them both.”. But the actions that he shown, the thoughts that he verbalized, I don’t think he’s even giving any weight to his character’s desperation and desires; which adds to his already inconsistent character who’s supposed to be smart, caring and logical.

And what’s up with the girlfriend (Freida Pinto as Caroline Aranha) in the movie. I mean she appears as the main protagonists girlfriend throughout the rest of the movie but it seems like they serve no purpose together; hell it seems like the only reason why they’re together is because the movie wanted them to be together, no questions asked. It’s be okay if he took the girlfriend’s comments into consideration or if the girlfriend showed some resistance, you know… Dynamic!; but it seemed like both of them lacked any, in fact the only memorable thing I saw her do was sprout out metaphorical nonsense after he told him that he drugged Ceaser, like “this is a thing you cannot stop” or “you don’t know what you’ve unleashed“. Well of course we don’t know, we’re too busy abusing animals to care, so why should we care now? Hell, in the teaser trailer I thought she was a lab assistant, not his girlfriend. If she was his girlfriend then she would be more concerned or more talkative to the main protagonist but from what I’ve seen, I doubt that she’s his girlfriend at all; in fact I think of her as just something to counteract the main protagonist and to have a couple in the film.

Speaking of which… Let’s talk about the orphan that ape went on a crazy rampage for. Ceaser… (Played by Andy Serkis) I mean sure he’s cute, he’s smart but he’s barely got any personality. By that I mean the writer probably watched some movie about a dad and his boy (strange boy at that) and decided to incorporate that into the movie… I could not see Ceaser for his own character, I could initially see him only for the strange boy from some movie (I’m guessing the Pursuit of Happyness for some reason, but as the time passed by (through a scene where they show years going by but again, the characters not aging one bit. It also makes me wonder how his dad can survive with the cure for 9-7 years and why the main character never noticed this but then again, what do I know, I’m not in Hollywood.) he became the ape who started to hate the world because of the solely one sided view the movie forces (mother dieing because of a corporation, being looked at funny, beating up someone in defense of the main character’s dad because he got into a Mustang that any smart person would leave locked, being looked at like a menace for beating someone up, being special because well, he’s the main monkey character.).

One thing that also bothered me is that this movie seems to use every trick in the book to avoid the humans from teaching Ceaser into humanity. I mean as this movie go on Ceaser only sees the bad side of humanity, the side that is willing to harm, the side that is willing to hurt and torment and capture and the side that is willing to go aggressive on an ape within 1 second after a girl says “Daddy” casually. Not once did any of the human teach Ceaser about the good and bad parts of humanity; they just make an ass out of you and me and tell them stuff and show them stuff without even thinking about the consequences. I mean you’re showing him a corporation that killed his mother, barely showing any emotion whatsoever and you’re making an ass out of you and me, what the fuck are you thinking??? It would work wonders for Ceasers character if he wasn’t solely pushed to becoming the rebellious ape that he is, it’d be good if they gave him a multi-sided view of his own. I mean the only scene that feature Ceaser and manages to give him a view is the scene where Ceaser realizes that being on a leash and being told what to do is the example of being a pet and because of this Ceaser sits in the back seat instead of the trunk and asks if he’s being treated like a pet. (This is the scene where he realizes he’s different.) I’m very disappointed that there weren’t more scenes like this, this could of added to Ceaser’s character.)

Of course, there’s also the moment in the film where he gets sent to prison that seems to be made specifically for apes rather then animals of any kind… This is where the film start to include parts of a prison film that the writers just happened to be watching at the moment. It’s also evident when people who hate apes appear to be running the prison, especially a certain dumbass with blonde hair who abuses apes without any fucking remorse whatsoever… What freaked me out is the fact that he looked like a certain “Kenneth Parcel” from a certain 30 Rock.

He looks soo similar that I instantly thought that he moved to San Francisco after he got fired from TGS due to some incident involving an ape; at least it helps explain his one-dimensional hate for apes and other ape-like creatures. Anyways, the guy has no fucking limits when it comes to shocking them, shoving food at them, tranquilizing them and just fucking abusing them. I mean he did that shit near two girls; those two girls should be hating him for that!. Instead they get shocked for a moment and then they stick with the guy and act like nothing bad happened; I mean the guy abuses apes, I’m guessing he fucking tears the shit out of every Curious George book he sees; speaking of Curious George; they have this moment in the movie where Ceaser swings around the house, moving through ladders and going towards his room in a manner reminiscent of kids movies or… well, Curious George… All those reviews saying that this movie is “smart and thought-provoking” neglect to mention this scene. I mean how can this movie be both if it has scenes to appeal to the kids that just happened to be taken to this movie? Answer that question fucking movie critics.

Anyways… There is not one person who feels sympathetic for Apes (well except for that bearded guy but we barely see him and he voices off his sympathy in one scene meant to show off the contrast of the boss, plus he dies later so he’s rendered inconsequential); almost all of these people feel ill will towards apes, even the people who don’t live here; and this movie is supposed to be set in modern times god damnit! (I mean they didn’t have a holographic display for nothing) There are also people mentioning that the apes are the star and the human are just layaways.  I disagree solely based on the fact that these humans push Ceaser, are involved with Ceaser; hell, even the person who adopted him had a hand in all of this; so it’s not possible to focus on just one thing when another thing had a hand in it, even though their dialog is stupid and their actions are purposely bad to make you root for the apes; they helped Ceaser along the movie’s plot therefore they’re just as much a part of the movie as Ceaser is. And it’s not an excuse to focus on one side to the other, keep in mind that there are an equal amount of scenes with humans in them and even though the apes act better, the humans are still there acting out a poorly plotted script so they both have an equal amount of scenes; so you would have to block them out with green squares in order for the focus to be on the ape. And really, it’s not an excuse to focus solely on the ape; I get that this is Ceasers story, the spotlight is on him but really… Just because the spotlight is on him does not mean that the humans get to act badly and get away with it.

So anyway, apparently these people who run the place the government who’s funding animal control with taxpayer money to let them abuse the apes at will are unaware that this type of abuse is going to lead to a rebellion. No, it’s not just the fact that these corporations are experimenting on them, it’s not the fact that these animals are locked up in zoo’s, it’s mainly the fact that the animal mistreatment in the monkey prison lead to this type of rebellion; and it isn’t even treated like a monkey prison at all. No, it’s treated like a regular prison with monkeys playing the role of inmates. Though I have to say I did like that orangutang fellow… seemed to give the prison scenes some purpose… even though it was leading us to another point in the movie, the company taking the apes from the cells for experimentation; almost out of the blue…

Though the director may be trying to parallel the similarities between humans and apes; it just doesn’t feel that way to me. There is a scene in which the most dominant prisoner challenges the newbie to a fight and he ends up pounding him to the ground before the warden comes in and stop it through the usage of tranquilizers. Now I understand that prison scenes have been done before in previous Planet of the Apes movies but this just felt too similar to one of those prison movies to the point where even a similar revolt happens, and the apes didn’t even need to convince any human to do it for them; they did it themselves… Breaking out of prison that is, let it be a warning that if you fucking mistreat animals then a revolution will happen, this PSA is courtesy of the fine folks at 20th Century Fox.

Now I’d like to take the time to pause and reflect on the movie which this seems to be a psuedo-remake of… Yes, Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. I mean that movie is just so fucking amazing; and it’s lightyears ahead of this crap. The relationship between Ceaser and his master was done better and the world in which it was placed also seemed more believable and more connectable to the audience. Let’s compare the relationship with Ceaser and his master to that of Ceaser and that asshole character who let his dad die. Now Ceaser sees humanity as cruel while still holding on to that small piece of hope; his Master seems to be the one who shares in his reflection but has an even greater grasp for hope than Ceaser. Nonetheless, they still seem to share that father/son relationship and it’s better reflected because he truly raised him rather than claiming he raised him…

Moving on to how chimps are treated in that movie; even though both movies are somewhat similar in the fact that it leads to the rise of the planet of the apes, Conquest is better in the fact that it treats Apes as servants and pets without any intelligence; and the reasoning for it is understandable due to the fact that both cats & dogs died due to a disease and humankind needed some sort of animal to be their pet/servant and well, apes fit the bill. Rise just fucking mistreats apes for no reason other then to say “Hey, look; we’re mistreating you and underestimating the intelligence that you guys have. Forget the fact that it’s the modern times, we’re going to act like it’s the 50′s and you’re going to be our slaves.” I mean this type of sensibility in a modern day film is inexcusable (even the fucking displays are holographic). Hell… The apes in Conquest already had intelligence, the ones in Rise have to be gassed in order to be smart. Way to underestimate their own intelligence my making them smarter film makers.

I mean why would they even need to be gassed (the cure) in the first place; if apes are assumed to have similar intelligence to humans then why not just show it okay. We don’t need to gas them to make them smart, we already know what they’re feeling and well; it’s very, very likely they could of rebelled without the gas in the first place. I mean those apes in Conquest dominated without some gas being let through the room; and all Ceaser had to do was convince one unwaveringly person to open his cell. What, do they need the gas to become smart, to escape and follow Ceaser’s lead? or do they need the gas to look all menacing and creepy? Either way, the gas was not needed and it was ridiculously easy to get to the gas in the first place. I mean wouldn’t the guy have to like lock the fridge to prevent anybody from stealing the formula, that’s like $100,000,000 the company has down the line and all because some guy took it home and forgot to lock the house, I mean what if a burglar broke into his house and stole it; then what? He wouldn’t have a job anymore now would he?

Apparently he doesn’t because the apes just break out in broad daylight and take over the whole city because of what happened in prison. It’s like, fuck humanity; they have mistreated us when we were in prison and I’m going to assume all humans will mistreat us by default due to the fact that they mistreated us in prison. I mean even the owner came in to take him home but he closed his cage and stayed because let’s face it, prison changed him and his warped views on humanity; he’s now like. “I ain’t changed; shit I’m gonna break free and destroy the whole city then I’m gonna like call myself “Ceaser Da Homosapian” and I’ll be releasing an album entitled “We Be Takin’ Ova’ da San Francisco Bay!” and it’ll sell 10 million copies.” Seriously, there is scene where the main human character visits the ape Ceaser; and while I admire the main character figuring out there’s possible abuse, I did not like where the rest of the scene went. I mean did Ceaser even listen to him when he said possible abuse, did he even emote enough to reassure Ceaser?, should he or Ceaser engage in more conversation? In any case, it leads to his views where he (originally longing for home) then says “fuck home” and well, you know the rest. I wouldn’t blame him though, he did hang out with the main character for a couple of years to know his tricks. Hell, the guy is this inconsistent that he manages to forget about the fact that he hates fucking leashes, I mean what reason was there for carrying the leash, other than for him to stay in prison of course and for him to do his stand still routine. Do you remember what I said earlier about inconsistency?

Anyway, they break out, head towards the generic broadcast towers that seemed to have replaced the distinctive Sutro Tower, free the apes that are captive (including the ones in the lab after looking at a tab belonging to that company, also how do they even find apes to put in the center? Are there wild apes in the forest, are there people who had apes for pets and then sent them to this jail? How do they get apes to lock up here and how do they manage to supply some of the apes to the companies, I mean they can’t all be abandoned apes right?) and then they proceed to travel across the city (really escaping but this is what I interpreted it as) in scenes that seem like they’re showing off the photo realistic apes. Most of these scenes seem like senseless action that have them fighting with police officers, helicopters and an evil corporation run by a miscast black guy no less, who seems to deliver his lines with general apathy for what he’s doing. I also love the fact that he switches roles so suddenly, after he sees the ape the drug was tested on; (He is sort of in his old role when the main character manages to convince him to give out backing on the drug, telling him that it works and telling him that it can be used for other purposes; but he forgets every bit of his role when the script calls for him to be impressed over an ape who was given the gas.

I mean really… What kind of a person who’s concerned about approvals becomes egotistical that quickly?) I couldn’t tell if he was actually acting or just doing the bare minimum to get paid. (What makes this senseless is the fact that San Francisco has another bridge and another way out… I mean the apes could of gone south into the forests or onto the San Francisco-Oakland bridge, all of those directions lead to some sort of forest and there are routes that avoid major cities altogether once they get into the forest… It’s senseless in the fact that it’s played up for  on the Golden Gate Bridges for straight action and conflict rather than logic. Even though the Golden Gate Bridge is shown as an important thing for Ceaser and the first thing he thought of when it came to escape, it’s still straight up action; mostly because of reasons stated before.) Also, with all of the civilians that seem to play absolutely no-role to both police and chimps, I’m guessing they treat them like cannon fodder; except for the main characters of course; who seem to be perfectly comtempt in analyzing the jail for signs of what went wrong despite the fact that the obvious fact that apes are roaming around the streets is an obvious sign that something has obviously gone wrong. I mean why would you go to the jail to analyze?, and analyze slowly I might add…

We don’t get a sense of what they’re accomplishing, we don’t get a sense of what the actions they’re doing even have to do with what they’re doing at the moment (which is escaping, I mean why would you spray paint an insignia on a stop sign if you’re trying to escape?). We do get hints that Ceaser wants them to free all the captive apes and as such is part of the reason for rebelling and trying to escape from San Francisco but what we get across is that these chimps were abused in prison so they break out and have a riot while they break out their homies from subsequent zoos (one that was referenced by him looking out and seeing all of the apes as if it was foreshadowing something) and evil corporations; as if a zoo can be that evil! Then they rampage the city to escape, and go onto buildings, get into fight scenes with police and hold spears up looking menacing because they can! Frankly from the people we’ve seen, they have deserved everything they’ve gotten to them, I mean if these people who don’t seem to think clearly, understand the consequences, feel bad for what they’re doing or feel apathetic are humanity then I would be proud to serve under chimp overlords. Seriously, I was so proud when that Kenneth Parcel look-a-like character died; that fuck deserved it greatly.

So after we get shot by shot by shot of ape trying to escape San Francisco but it’s really just chimps tearing it up, wrecking havoc among the SF Bay showcasing the awesome visual effects without purpose (I mean really, do they really put themselves higher above the humans to not be considerate to anybody? This is why the police reacted the way they did, what they did could be considered disturbing the peace; even though they didn’t intend on harming anybody, they did travel throughout the city recklessly and without any regard for anybody; by the way, when are you going to stop treating films like this like demonstrations for your photo realistic animals, we don’t need you trying to fill up the last 30 minutes with special effects thank you very much. Also what’s up with the apes holding spears on top of the building, I mean they’re trying to escape and they’re holding up spears like a deceleration for war, no wonder so many people think the apes are going to start a war, this scene could of been cut to increase the impact. And yes, they included this scene in the movie… A reference turned horribly wrong.); while the dumbass chases after Ceaser because that’s what he cares about; we finally reach the climax where Ceaser and his apes escape San Francisco and that guy catches up with him… The scene itself leans towards emotional but it felt somewhat out of place with the fact that they destroyed the SF bay just earlier ago.

I mean they’re trying to end the movie in an ET moment where the guy does not care that San Francisco has been destroyed, nor does he care about the consequences. He just wants his ape back and one of the apes said “No, he is home.” I mean what, did the drug also grow voice boxes? Really? They can speak now, I thought this would happen though natural evolution; not through a drug; and if the happy ending was really needed then it should of been silent and it should of been taken more seriously. Anyway, I just love the way he symbolizes the scenes in the end, where the apes climb up the trees and we see the destroyed SF in the distance; referencing an earlier scene in which Ceaser climbs up the tree and suddenly gains clothes while reaching the top and seeing a SF skyline (pre end of the movie of course.)… Yup, Conquest ended it with the apes killing the humans (of course, they edited that ending because it was too violent but that ending is what made the movie what it is; seriously if Dodgeball ended with that ending then it would be a better movie for doing it, them losing, no happy ending; it just works.) What this is of course is a happy ending, after all of the sights of the apes destroying San Francisco, killing humans and explosions and what not; we have to end it on a happy note because well, a movie is just not a movie without a happy ending... and Rise of the Planet of the Apes just had to have one… Really…

So aside from that, there is the issue of what the movie is bringing up. I mean it’s obviously bringing up how human abuse animals and put themselves above all other creatures, I mean just look at Ceaser, he spent a lot of his lifetime just looking at these humans and the way they behave.. It also brings up how we tend to underestimate things for granted and how we tend to ultimately be our own undoing… That’d be good and all but the problem is is that this movie obviously blurts out it’s issues… Like a college boy acting stupid but blurting out smart stuff just so he can seem smart when in actuality he’s dumb. I mean sure, it’d be nice to weave these issues in a matter that feels consistent and natural but again, obvious issues, obvious movie. What else is smart, I mean it does touch on the human/ape relationship, the desire to cure someone, but even that is underplayed and untapped. I’m seriously scratching my head to figure out what in this movie is smart… Hmmm, what is in this smart movie that everybody proclaims is smart… Oh I know, the directing… Wait; the direction feels out of place in a movie like this. Oh, I know… Maybe they’re subtle, oh wait; I mentioned that earlier. I guess there isn’t a single smart thing about this movie at all… It works as palatable action but nothing is fucking smart in this movie, nothing.

Speaking of smartness, he just had to throw in a bit of nods to the old movie; to appeal to the fans. I mean well we have the usual “Get your god damn hands off me you damn dirty ape” mention, we have the apes holding up spears, we have the apes also roaming across the land, the space shuttle to Mars and it’s disappearance (NASA retired it’s space shuttle program so I guess this movie is outdated now.) what else can we add in there for fanservice? I mean trying to appeal to the fans, why not just create a good movie?; you can try to work in the nods in a way that seems to blend in a natural way but also that fans will still get to it but the way of including references to a previous movie just because the fans are going to be watching it is just, well cheap…  Trying to nod to your fans is a good idea if done right but it’s usually a bad idea if it’s done like this, like people have not heard of the Planet of the Apes before, like they need tons of lines and moments from the film just so they can recognize it’s a Planet of the Apes film. Maybe you should trying taking this movie seriously and stop giving lots of obvious nods/homages/references. I mean even people who first watch the movie don’t need to be nodded to that much.

Apparently lots of people went to see this movie; and it describes today’s Summer movie audience. Hungry for action, hungry for remakes and not caring enough whether or not the movie can live up to the namesake of it’s franchise. Sure, if a movie comes along like say… A movie with an interesting premise or a good superhero movie, sure; I might be more forgiving but if a movie comes along like this then forget it. This movie has to live up to the name of the “Planet of the Apes“, which was a fascinating movie/franchise and it apparently does not try to live up to the namesake at all; it’s like they thought they could ride on the name and make money, and that theory is proven correct 10x over. The fans won’t mind, because we like give them a nod and the moviegoing audience won’t mind because we can tug on their strings all we want and we can provide all of the michealbaysplosions we want for the people who come for the action/special effects/people who wanted to see this movie because they heard good things about it; by paying $10 bucks and seeing this movie is like giving us a sign that people want to see special effects demonstrations dressed as a movie with emotional and suspenseful plot. Sure it may or may not be better then the Tim Burton movie but this movie doesn’t have what those other movies had, and that thing… is substance. Yup… I’m not against the people who think it’s entertaining. I mean sure, a movie like this is entertaining but you have the name of a franchise on your back; plus the social revolution that has been happening in 2011; I mean there are a lot of moments beyond the 60′s the filmmakers could of looked at for inspiration, and I mean a lot. I guess they went for the simplest message out there.

Before I close out I have got one more thing to say… What is it with the gas killing humans, I mean seriously, it didn’t have any threat before when the main character cured his father with it and now it is a threat?!?! I mean you have the only guy who cares about the apes walking around all sick and stuff because he breathed the stuff, what you didn’t bother to put up a quarantine? Most fans can chalk that up to the fact that the formula was changed but this just feels like a cheap way to add tension and to create another sequel. Just look at the scene at the end, we have some airplane pilot flying from SF to NYC (to spread the disease obviously) bleeding from his nose and I’m going to assume that it’s obviously because of the gas. I mean why have a revolution when you can just unleash the gas, kill all of the humans, kill the humans that can somehow withstand the gas and make the apes all smart. That seems like a pretty cheap way of “rising” up isn’t it. At least the previous movies had some sort of rebellion/war going on with the apes, and that made sense for the eventual domination, the gas feels cheap… and with a potential sequel looming around the corner, I’m going to take a guess and say that it’s about the apes and the gas and some person has to stop them but they can’t so the apes continue to dominate therefore paving the way for the Planet of the Apes. Obviously having some character die is like telling us that this is how they’re going to take over Earth; way to blow it filmmakers. And with that, I’m done.

According to various news sources (including TMZ) Rihanna and Chris Brown got into a fight that was probably started by a text message, their jealousy, or any other related factor that might of pushed him to the edge. Anyways, I’ve heard that Rihanna suffered some burses, bite marks, some possibly nasty stuff and according to her, it’s not the first time that’s happened as she’s been abused many times before by him, it’s kind of sad when they try to keep up that dream couple feeling when it’ll eventually go down in flames. So afterwards, Chris Brown turned himself in and that’s where the downward spiral begin. When he was released, he traveled in a black SUV heading for home and Rihanna, well she had to make some sacrifices since she was in that incident. That’s a summary of what has happened and what is happening now as we speak. Even now, MTV is planning to air a documentary type show that’ll analyze every aspect of their relationship as well as milk a lot of money off of this.

I feel bad for both of them, but especially Rihanna since she’s the one who suffered a lot (not numerically but emotionally and physically). I wonder what happened to Chris Brown, he’s a great R&B star (even though I don’t know him personally), the self proclaimed future of R&B and known for his mix of Usher and Michael Jackson (particularly Michael Jackson). He’s released 2 albums which spawned a plethora of hits, he’s become a superstar in his own right and he has been known to be madly in love with Rihanna, propounding his love every which way, including having a fight with T.I. over Rihanna. But why did he have to keep this dream romance together, especially considering the fact that mostly these romances have a 10% chance of succeeding. I feel that he tried to keep too tight of a leash on her, I feel that his jealousy over that text message was a bit over the edge and trying to keep him and her happy just doesn’t work well if you don’t match up that well, just look at Mariah Carey and Tommy Mottola’s marrige.

But Rihanna, she’s suffered the worst. Receiving really physical abuse from her former boyfriend Chris Brown over jealousy and wanting to have possibly a perfect marriage, physical wounds heal but I don’t think her mental ones will heal at all, ever. This is the downside from men trying to be the superior being over woman and trying to control everything in their life, and trying to beat their woman so that they’d support their man better, abuse is not the way to go when trying to make a perfect relationship. That’s why most people are in jail right now, because they can’t control themselves. Seriously, The girl who’s released 3 chart-topping albums and we can’t forget about “Disturbia” written by Chris Brown. Still, sad to see her get straight into a situation that she couldn’t get away from and for Chris Brown, he couldn’t even get out of. Having a man abuse a woman just isn’t right and in their cases, it’s kind of disturbing.

Still, I wish the both the best of luck on trying to resolve their now persistent issues. Because most people do not like to see their career and their life destroyed in the process. Sure Chris Brown might of lost every bit of his endorsement, fame, and recognition and Rihanna might of lost some of her self consciousness, and what he did to her was wrong but people need to forgive right? Even though Chris Brown won’t be able to get Rihanna back as her girlfriend now. Also some of you may note that I’ve become inactive recently or I have stopped updating my blog regularly. Well just to let you know that I’m not dead and I am still taking a break and thinking about some things. This break has really proven to be essential as it allowed me to view things into perspective and don’t worry, I’ll be back posting updates on a regular basis and interacting with you guys again. I don’t know when that’s going to be exactly but hey, keep waiting, I’ll pop up eventually.